A Bad Blind Date: What to do ???

August 8th, 2009

Blind dates, as exciting as they can be, are a gamble one plays in hope of hitting a jackpot. And more often than not, like in gambling, you might find yourself wanting to run away from the table.

Now, the part that makes you go bonkers is that since you’re dealing with a human (that too a girl), you have to be real cautious in what your reactions will be upon seeing something that you want to run away from. These next 5-10mins will decide whether you can walk away from the blind date with dignity or will you walk away losing that dignity. Worse, you don’t want your actions to give an impression that you actually like that person, in which case, it’ll not be a matter of 5-10mins but 5-10days before you’re able to walk away at all.!!!

These are a few tips on what one could do; if one ends up in a messy blind date.

Public Place: Pick a place centrally located to meet for the first time. Make sure it’s not too close or too far away from the girl’s place. (You don’t want to drop someone home, if you don’t like them). Moreover, in a public place there are a lot of distractions you can find to help you out of that awkward date. You don’t want to be sitting in a fine dining restaurant with someone who you cannot stand for more than a min.

Standby Friend: Always take a friend with you to the blind date. And if no one is available, ask a friend to call you 10mins from the time you’re gonna meet your blind date. That is one call which can act as a lifesaver for you, as you can use that call to tell your date that something urgent has come up which needs your immediate attention.

Be Honest: Honesty is the best policy. Although, don’t blame me if you end up on the wrong side of your date’s sandals.

Let me know if these helped you or not.

 –Mr. A

How to please a man ???

August 2nd, 2009

SEX!!!

Open and Shut case ….let’s move onto the other topic. Thank You for your time.

But Hey, Hold On…it’s not that simple. Men ACTUALLY want a whole plethora of meaningful things in a relationship. As contradictory and shocking as it may sound, it’s as true as the keyboard on your pc.

See the thing is that we men are just a little more vocal about our need for sex and hence we are branded as sexual animals. Let me tell you that a woman craves for it as much as a man does. After all it’s an integral part of your relationship; nothing bad about it.

However, that said; let me also emphasize the other needs we have in a relationship.

When a man gets in a relationship and it moves past your first few weeks and he’s sure about the relationship, he involves himself more emotionally in that relationship that a woman does. It’s a proven fact that it’s harder for men to come out of the relationship than a woman. And the very reason behind it is that we attach ourselves very emotionally.

The one thing we need most out of a relationship is a partner who can understand us; and by understanding I mean understand us without us being too vocal about our feelings. A situation where you can talk to your partner without actually saying a word is the most desired situation in a relationship, and once you reach that situation you know you can safely take it to the next level.

Another thing that men want is for a woman to understand that we need our boy’s drinking binges and sports and beer as much as you want your lipsticks and mascaras.

And last but most important thing we want is SEX!!!!

Hahahaaha…..jokes apart….

The last and only thing we ask is not to stretch fights like a chewing gum; if you’re angry or upset at something or our actions (or inactions :P) let’s just talk it out and get over with the topic at hand rather than stretching it which ends up in us loosening our wallet strings just to see that smile on your face.

If you look at it, it’s not that difficult to please a man.

 –Mr. A

P.S. …and yes SEX is important!!!

Saying I Love You On April Fool’s Day

March 31st, 2009

Today I was out with a few of my friends. One of them is a newly engaged couple : Alex and Shieree.

I suddenly remembered that tomorrow is April 1st so we must to plan a few pranks. Alex turns to Shieree and says, “Shieree, you know tomorrow is April Fool’s day, I will tell you that I Love You tomorrow.”

Shieree retorts with “I know. Megs, you shouldn’t have reminded him. I was planning to tell him I decided the date for our wedding day tomorrow.” :D

These friends of mine have been together for 4 years. Here’s a sincere wish that they remain as happy and in love forever. And may you all find the same love and happiness in your lives.

What Work Stress Can Do To Your Relationship

February 27th, 2009

Anna and James were the ideal couple in the eyes of everyone around them. They had been best friends in college and then became lovers. You know the fairytale clichés about Passionately In Love, Have Eyes Only For each other and Happily Ever Afters - that was them.

So when the unthinkable happened - it was a surprise to everyone - family, friends, but most of all to Anna herself. She knew they had have problems but she had thought they could work them out. After all, which relationship doesn’t have its fair share of problems? And as she put it “When you have been together for so long and been through so much together, you think your bond is unbreakable.”

Can you take a guess what sounded the death knell on such a strong relationship?

No, it was not Cheating, it wasn’t Lack of Trust Or Jealousy or Disillusionment or the fact that they fell out of love. It was simply - BURNOUT.

Psychologists associate Burnout with 12 phases - a compulsion to prove oneself, working harder, neglecting one’s own needs,
displacement of conflicts (the person does not realize the root cause of the distress), revision of values (friends or hobbies are completely dismissed), denial of emerging problems (cynicism and aggression become apparent), withdrawal (reducing social contacts to a minimum, becoming walled off; alcohol or other substance abuse may occur), behavioral changes become obvious to others, inner emptiness, depression, burnout syndrome.

James had always been a bit of a workaholic but the more he got secure about his relationship - the more he immersed himself in his work. Since Anna herself could be a workaholic when she was excited about a project, she understood and it had never been a big issue before. A few forgotten dates or turning up late might anger her sometimes but never for long, plus she needed the same leeway sometimes too.

But there came a point where Anna could not even recognize James. From someone who didn’t raise his voice even when angry to the person who would pick up a fight simply because she had been unable to take his call immediately, from a teetotaler to a drunkard, from someone who worried if she was 10 minutes late to someone who didn’t even notice her calls or messages when she got in real trouble and needed him.

At what point in such a case do you cross the line from being Supportive Partner To Emotionally Abused Partner? When do you know that enough is enough and you need to get out, and then not feel guilty about it? When do you stop looking for the sweet guy you fell in love with in the jerk in front of you?

Want to know how this story ended - James burnout progressed to the point where he became emotionally unavailable and cut off contact with his friends, family and even Anna. Where simply losing touch was not enough, he became emotionally and physically abusive.

And Anna.. she is still wondering if she is such a horrible person that a guy who had loved her so much had learned to hate her.

Worst Valentine Gifts Ever

February 14th, 2009

Everywhere you look, you will see suggestions on what to give your Valentine but there are no suggestions on what NOT TO GIVE.

So we came up with a list that could hopefully help you avoid the Day of Love Into Day of Disaster. Though I have to say, some choices would be great as pay back to The Horrible EX.

1. A Gym Membership

You may think that our partner could do with losing up some weight, but pointing this out is rarely a good idea, and Valentines’ Day is the worst of bad choices.

2. Tickets To The National Museum Of Crime and Punishment

This Washington based Museum came up with the novel idea “Stealing your loved one’s heart” on Valentines’ Day by taking them to learn about love-related crimes. They even offer to handcuff couples during the tour, and of course gift them handcuffs as a parting Valentine’ gift. While I am all in favor of ‘knowledge’; learning about Crimes, even if they are Crimes Of Passion on Valentines’ Day is not exactly on the top of my wish list.

3. Cooking Classes

Unless you have discussed it before (and that does not mean that it was mentioned once), the message is “I love you, but I hate your cooking.” So, unless you are very, very, very clear about the fact that your partner thinks it acceptable as a Valentine Gift, steer clear from it.

4. Household Goods

For women, even the most perfect Martha Stewart-esque type, such gifts can only bring to mind DRUDGERY. She may really want the revolutionary new vacuum cleaner or the waffle maker, but they are not meant to be gifts EVER. And don’t even think of buying that new theatre system because we know as well as you do, that it’s for you and not for us.

5. Male Enhancement Products

For obvious reasons. Though I would send this to an EX. It is also the perfect gift if you don’t want to enter into any explanations while breaking-up.

6. Sex For Dummies

After 5, do I still need to explain? Though on the other hand, a full-illustrated Kamasutra edition could actually be a great gift.

7. Plastic Flowers

Hey, even gas station flowers are better than that. You don’t have to be extravagant, but don’t be cheap either. Just a single fresh rose bud isn’t that difficult to find or afford.

8. Breath Mints

Is this even a valid gift for any occasion except maybe ‘Let’s Humiliate The Bad Breath People Day’.

9. Tickets To Action Movies/Sport Events

So you have the perfect evening planned - Candlelight, romantic dinner, and movie. But are you sure about the choice of movie? Your gal may love action flicks as much as you do, but not on Valentines’ day. If you can’t stand the sappy chick-flicks, cut the movie off the plan completely. Also, steer clear of Porn, and tickets to any sports events (unless she really is into it). If you are low on cash, cooking or even ordering in isn’t a bad idea, as long as you remember not to poison her accidentally.

10. No Gifts

Even Bad Gifts are better than NONE. And guys, if your partner told you not to get them anything much, you better make sure you get them something extra special or else…

Marriage On Valentine Cards - Romantic Or Clichéd?

February 13th, 2009

Ok.. I agree, Valentines’ day is probably the most romantic day to propose, and even for getting married.

But it is too much of a cliché too. Of course, there is a school of thought that says clichés became clichés because they were successful.

Maybe, I am just not the dewy-eyed romantic because I do have a few objections to being proposed to or even married on Valentines’ day.

For one, it’s so overdone that it is almost expected if you are in relationship. There would just be no element of surprise, and definitely no original thought the choice of the day. I don’t hanker for the surprise but lack of original thought is certainly a big turn-off for me.

Secondly, it is like having a day less to celebrate each year for the rest of your life. If Valentines’ day and my anniversary falls on the same day - I get one present and one night-out for both. Not really a good bargain (Ok ok… I am a bit materialistic).

And hey, when you tell you got engaged or married on Valentines’ Day, they start OOH and AAH-ing immediately. So, if you do have a really romantic story, no one ever waits to hear it. You just have to knock them over the head to be able to tell it.

On the other hand, atleast you can be sure that your husband would never forget to get you a present even if he only remembers it is Valentine’s day and not your anniversary. :P

So, what do you think?
Wedding Invite
Would you want to get married/engaged on Valentines’ Day or not?

The Museum Of Broken Relationships

January 9th, 2009

J had taken me to watch Garfield, but when we reached the hall, we were told that the show had been cancelled. I love Garfield, and was really disappointed. So J suggested we go for my second-most favorite activity instead: Shopping. ;)

That day, when I got home, I found a small Garfield soft-toy in my bag, with this note: “Kiddo, I hate to see you disappointed and I will never let it happen again.”

I used to sleep holding it in my arms when J couldn’t be there, and cried holding it when we had a fight. If I was angry with him, seeing it would just melt away my anger.

Me and J broke up 3 years later, but I have never been able to give that Garfield up. It was just too precious, and even against all good sense, I still sometimes sleep holding it when I miss him.

Most of us have our own mementoes that are too precious to be thrown away and yet too painful to be kept. They are a reminder of that Perfect Relationship, which we failed.

Remember the wedding dress Carrie in Sex and The City Movie bundles at the back of her closet because it was too beautiful to be destroyed? She later blames herself for being jilted at at the altar: “I let the wedding get bigger than Big.

Even if we bury them out of sight, these Ghosts Of Relationships Past haunt us, and only by getting rid of them can we be free and move on. Unfortunately, not many of us have the courage to toss them in the fire.

So, I can only admire the idea of the Museum Of Broken Relationships. The museum, currently on display in Singapore, contains the remnants of love relationships donated by the people in the cities they have visited.

MobileThere is the Mobile Phone that the woman received after the break-up so that she wouldn’t be able to call him anymore;
Prosthetic LimbThe Under-knee Prosthetic Limb that is all that survives of the love between a war veteran and a social worker;
Glass HorseThe Murano Glass Horse that was meant to be a symbol of eternal love for his wife but now is just a painful reminder of their 20 year marriage.

I think I am going to add to their exhibits soon. And I hope some of you can do the same too.

5 Truths About Women

December 27th, 2008

1. Even the quietest and shyest among us loves to talk. And we love men who really listen, not just pretend to. Believe me, we have enough practice in knowing the difference.

2. You want our dirty secrets? Don’t look for a diary, you need our girl friends (if you can get them to talk, that is). Contrary to all logic, our secrets are safer with them than they would be in diary buried in the bowels of earth. It would be better and easier for you to accept that you will only ever know what we choose to tell you. We call it TRUST.

3. We all have FAKED orgasms sometime or the other, though none of us will admit to it in front of you. And the reason is that we love you enough to not care at all if we forgo our pleasure occasionally.

4. Men Want Toys, Women Want Diamonds. And this effectively solves the argument about which is the Smarter Sex.

5. We know you don’t get hints. But we still hint about what we want, because it means so much more to us if you understood and got it for us. We don’t even care if you get it right or not, just the fact that you tried is very precious. So the next time you crib about us not being upfront, think of the benefits: if you get it right, you get a great time; if you don’t, you still get full marks for trying.

Love Is…?

December 26th, 2008

You meet his eyes across the room. He is cute but not really your type. So you look away, but you can still feel his intense gaze on you.

After a while, he comes up to you. You end up having a great conversation and are surprised to find that you spent almost the whole evening chatting to him.

What’s more, he did not give any hint that he was interested in more than just talking. Well, not until you think that he only concentrated on you all the time you were chatting. You are confused.. because after all you aren’t really interested in him, and yet he was so great to talk to that you didn’t notice anyone else either.

You manage to convince yourself that you had imagined his intense gaze earlier in the evening. Probably it was just a trick of the light on his eyes; in any case you were too far to tell, and also feeling a bit self-conscious about the dress you were wearing because it isn’t exactly your style either, even if it looked great.

A few meetings convince you more than ever that it is nothing more than the kind of chemistry that makes best friends, a la Will and Grace, only he is straight. Come to think of it, that was the tragedy of the show.

Then there are hints. Hints that he likes you a LOT; you brush them away as your imaginings. His touch begins to feel possessive rather than friendly; you brush it away as just concern.

But sometimes, just sometimes, you wonder what if it was for real? Not for too long, because you don’t know your own feelings, and you are scared that you might lose your friend.

He has somehow become indispensable, you see. He is the person you can say anything to, you think of first when you want to share anything happy or sad, the first person you call when you need help.

Yes, it sounds like love, but you are not sure. It’s better this way, because he can’t hurt you very much this way. Truth is, your heart knows that if you allowed yourself to love him, he could destroy you like no one else could ever do.

And then he says IT. And you are not prepared.

“I am a person who is looking for Love. Ridiculous, Inconvenient, Consuming, Can’t-Live-Without-Each-Other Love.”

You thought so too, and you have it now. All you need to do is reach out and take it, but you can’t, you just can’t.

Maybe it’s just because it isn’t meant to be this way. Maybe love isn’t meant to be taken but given. And until you can do that, it won’t feel right.

Trust Or Fear?

December 16th, 2008

I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
                   – Julia Roberts as Anna Scott (Notting Hill)

I couldn’t help but remember this line as I watched Britney’s tell all documentary: Britney For The Record. With this one line, Julia Roberts had captured the yearning for love and the fear of rejection that each woman has, no matter how beautiful or famous she maybe.

Believe me, I am no Britney fan, and her behavior over the past couple of years, especially the infamous head-shaving incident, has seemed to me to be increasingly desperate attempts at grabbing public attention. However, watching the show, I could not but pity her and at the same time admire her too.

“You can’t really go there in a complete state of happiness because you’re scared it’s going to be taken away.”

That is too familiar.

While each one of us is looking for love, we are also secretly afraid of finding it, because finding it means giving up control. It makes us feel exposed and vulnerable to the possibility of being hurt.

This fear can slowly poison even the most beautiful relationships, and just prove our worst fears right. Vicious Circle, indeed.

The only way to rid one-self of this fear is TRUST - in your partner, in yourself, and in destiny.

When you bounce a baby in air, he laughs… because he knows you will catch him. That is the purest form of trust, and that is what is needed in relationships too.

You could argue that trusting someone so easily and completely is foolhardy but notice the difference between two. I do not say that you should trust easily, but once you do; trust completely because not trusting completely just means distrust.

When you are able to do that, only then you will no longer be afraid and really begin to love, and that really is the best feeling in the world.

Meanwhile, here’s hoping that Britney does fulfill her wish of getting married and living with her husband and kids on a secluded island.