Archive for the ‘Dating Experience’ Category

What Work Stress Can Do To Your Relationship

Friday, February 27th, 2009

Anna and James were the ideal couple in the eyes of everyone around them. They had been best friends in college and then became lovers. You know the fairytale clichés about Passionately In Love, Have Eyes Only For each other and Happily Ever Afters - that was them.

So when the unthinkable happened - it was a surprise to everyone - family, friends, but most of all to Anna herself. She knew they had have problems but she had thought they could work them out. After all, which relationship doesn’t have its fair share of problems? And as she put it “When you have been together for so long and been through so much together, you think your bond is unbreakable.”

Can you take a guess what sounded the death knell on such a strong relationship?

No, it was not Cheating, it wasn’t Lack of Trust Or Jealousy or Disillusionment or the fact that they fell out of love. It was simply - BURNOUT.

Psychologists associate Burnout with 12 phases - a compulsion to prove oneself, working harder, neglecting one’s own needs,
displacement of conflicts (the person does not realize the root cause of the distress), revision of values (friends or hobbies are completely dismissed), denial of emerging problems (cynicism and aggression become apparent), withdrawal (reducing social contacts to a minimum, becoming walled off; alcohol or other substance abuse may occur), behavioral changes become obvious to others, inner emptiness, depression, burnout syndrome.

James had always been a bit of a workaholic but the more he got secure about his relationship - the more he immersed himself in his work. Since Anna herself could be a workaholic when she was excited about a project, she understood and it had never been a big issue before. A few forgotten dates or turning up late might anger her sometimes but never for long, plus she needed the same leeway sometimes too.

But there came a point where Anna could not even recognize James. From someone who didn’t raise his voice even when angry to the person who would pick up a fight simply because she had been unable to take his call immediately, from a teetotaler to a drunkard, from someone who worried if she was 10 minutes late to someone who didn’t even notice her calls or messages when she got in real trouble and needed him.

At what point in such a case do you cross the line from being Supportive Partner To Emotionally Abused Partner? When do you know that enough is enough and you need to get out, and then not feel guilty about it? When do you stop looking for the sweet guy you fell in love with in the jerk in front of you?

Want to know how this story ended - James burnout progressed to the point where he became emotionally unavailable and cut off contact with his friends, family and even Anna. Where simply losing touch was not enough, he became emotionally and physically abusive.

And Anna.. she is still wondering if she is such a horrible person that a guy who had loved her so much had learned to hate her.

Tips For Breaking Up

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Our relationships are very much like us. Once they are dead, there is nothing that can bring the old magic back.

Some people move on sooner than others, but everyone feels guilty over it. Perhaps that is why most people refuse to give up on them, keep trying to make it work, even though in their hearts they know there is nothing left.

There is no resurrection for the dead - in life or in relationships. The best thing you can do is to realise this and move on. The first step towards this is to be very sure that you want to end this relationship.

The next step is to get it over with in as painless a way as possible for everyone involved. Though there is no way to end a relationship without a lot of hurt or pain, there are ways to minimise them.

But is there a way to break-up a relationship without any hurt? Actually No. Rejection is always hard to take, but rejection from someone you care for is much harder. The best you can manage is to minimise the hurt.

1. Location:

However strong the temptation, do not break-up over the phone or email. Your soon-to-be ex deserves that much respect. Still not convinced? Think how humiliating it would be if someone did the same with you. It sends out the signal that your time together has never meant anything to you. Choose a private place for your break-up speech. You do not want to add humiliation to hurt, and your partner needs some time to deal with the news. Yes, it can be difficult and wanting to avoid confrontations is natural. But don’t you want a clean break for once and all, so you can get on with your life.

2. Time

Do not break-off around your partner’s birthday or any other special occasions. Time is of great essence, chances are that your partner already has a hint about the cracks in your relationship. You don’t want them to remember their birthdays or other special days as the day when you broke their heart. Preferably, try to do it on a weekday, so that work keeps them a little busy, a weekend will just give them more time to sit and sulk.

3. Reason

This is THE most important aspect. Be honest, brutally honest if need be, because the person who has loved you deserves a true reason to know what went wrong and where. It will help you both get over the relationship more easily and quickly if you’re true to yourself. Im not saying have a proper speech ready, but the reasons you think and why do you think those reasons are important.

4. Duration

Make sure you both have time on your hands for the talk. You don’t want to rush through it. This might probably, be the last time when you both will be discussing your relationship in detail. So its necessary that you talk out all the flaws, and decide the way forward. 

5. Aftermath:

The safest way to get over a relationship is not be in touch for at least the first 3-4 months, even if you guys decide to end it off on a good note and be friends. Oh and ya, try and stay away from rebound relationships. You don’t want to get into something when you are most vulnerable. 

And, the last piece of advice, which everyone will tell you is try and keep yourself busy with work, your hobbies, friends, whatever. Resist the urge to be alone.

Dual Personalities

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Today’s article is dedicated to something that we as men have to live with…apparently, we don’t have a choice in this matter. Now, we all are well versed with the concept of dual personality. What would you say if told that all the women are “suffering” from it!!!

To put it simply, in today’s world we know the phenomenon as—PMS!!!

Every guy who has been in a relationship will identify with me when I say that for “those days“, your girl turns into somebody who you have never met. What with all those mood swings, fits of anger, and the most wickedest of the symptoms ‘Not feeling as interested in sex’ (not that we’re too excited about it at this period(no pun intended) of time), you feel as if you’re sleeping with a stranger.

Just the other day, my friend was on the phone coochi cooing with his girl, and before he knew out of nowhere, BOOM, he’s hit with a barrage of angry words from the other end. He was just one of the many victims you can find of this phenomenon. The wicked thing is that one moment you think you know the person inside out, and the other you’re involved in a heated argument with a stranger who has got inside your girl’s body.

I just dread to think what if men started having PMS!!!; That would surely be the beginning of the end for the human race.

To sum it up, and at the risk of sounding a little sexist, I thank God …for MAKING ME A BOY!!!

PS: I don’t think this post will earn me a lot of female fan following :P

–Mr. A

How NOT To Use Your Birthday As A Pick-Up Line

Sunday, November 9th, 2008

I recently received this scrap on my online profile:

“Hi, my birthday is also on 17th July. Do you know its significance?”

Nothing wrong with it, you say?

The problem is that my birthday is NOT on 17th July, and when I checked his profile, neither was his.

In passing, is he asking the significance of 17th July or of having the same birthday (assuming our birthdays had matched)?

The Good Side Of Break-Ups

Monday, April 28th, 2008

The funny thing about break-ups is that they turn you into a better person.

I don’t mean the “turning into an emotionally stronger person” thing.. I mean simple everyday improvements in our behavior and habits that we are too lazy to bring about otherwise.

For every relationship that has ended, I have managed to forsake at least one bad habit.

Like the time when I was into a long-term relationship (3 years) and let myself go. I put on weight and couldn’t be bothered about exercise; I did not make much efforts to look great - presentable worked for me. And then the break off (and these were not the reasons) jerked me out out of my sloppiness.

I couldn’t fix my relationship, but I could fix myself.. and that got me to finally adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Another break-off led me to discover a love for music. Living in the same block, and being in the same college meant we made the long commutes together. When the relationship ended, I bought an iPod only so I could stop thinking of the time I spent with him.

Initially I listened to anything and everything (having never been much into music before) but slowly I discovered my own tastes.

Then the innumerable hairstyles I have tried because of break-ups. A new hairstyle is mandatory (is this only me?), and I know I would never otherwise experiment with my looks.

I guess I owe a Thank You to all my Ex’s

The 5 Worst Pick-up Lines

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007

I have heard my share of really bad pick-up lines over the years, but these just take the cake. Some are so awful, that you wouldn’t even believe that anyone in their right mind would even contemplate using then for a moment, unless you had heard them yourself.

Here is my list of the 5 REALLY AWFUL ones that just should not be used under any circumstances. Trust me, the only reaction they would inspire is an YEWW… even if it was Brad Pitt himself saying them.

Here goes.., in reverse order

5. Do you believe in Santa? Coz you are on my Christmas wish-list.
Since then, I have never gone out partying in the week before Christmas.

4. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
What makes people think that references to holidays or Santa are cute?

3. Baby, come sit on my lap.. and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.
Well, why don’t you just pop off outta my sight!

2. I’d suck a fart out of your ass and hold it like a bong hit.
Yewww.. Just get lost

And the worst one is:

1. I want to floss with your pubic hair.
Yewwww Yewwww Yewwww.. And this time I did the disappearing act.

What did you just say?

Sunday, December 23rd, 2007

In my opinion, Pick-up lines can be classified in three categories: Good, Bad, and Just Awful.

And it’s a taste of one of the Just Awful ones that I got last night.

I was out partying with my friends in one of the hottest new spot in town. Everything was going great; we were having so much fun, and the really cute guy I had been eyeing for the past hour asked me to dance. I just wish he had kept his mouth closed.

Dancing to a slow song in the arms of a sexy man (and one who knew how to dance moreover)…mmm wow. Just my luck that fate decides to turn the Prince into a Pig. He said, and I quote “I want you so much… I even want to floss with your pubic hair.” EXCUSE ME!!!!

Needless to say, I made a run of it. And it will definitely be some time (a long time) before I go to that place again.

Persistence???

Friday, December 21st, 2007

Men seem to think that women don’t really mean it when they say no. And if you persist, they will eventually agree.

GET REAL GUYS.. This is the 21st century, and Modesty isn’t that prevalent a virtue. When a woman says NO.. she means it. And you should just scuttle off and hide (better ask out her prettier friend though).

In fact, recognizing the fact that she knows what she wants, might just get you better returns (with the other women around, that is). Persistence doesn’t always pay, and sometimes it really gets too much…

Like today morning for me…

I dated this guy on the rebound, after my 3 year old relationship broke up. Needless to say, I was emotionally vulnerable, and his straightforward and honest approach to everything after the web of lies I had discovered in my last relationship seemed really attractive. The fact that we worked in the same office (different departments though), and lived within walking distance meant that spending time together wasn’t a problem either. He made me feel good and that was all that mattered then.

A month after we started dating, he was transferred to another country. I knew he had gone only for a short-term project and would be back after 3 months, and when he did come back.. I felt no happiness or excitement on seeing him again, just like I hadn’t felt any sadness when he had left. Quite simply, time to call it quits.

Apparently I hadn’t counted on his feelings (or should I say persistence?) He tried to make me stay, but I refused. I just did not feel anything for him. He tried again after a few months and when I still refused, he seemed to give up finally. In fact, the last time I heard from him, he had apparently fallen in love (a ploy to make me feel jealous??).

Until today morning that is.. He called me up, and in the midst of friendly chit-chat, the old topic cropped again. Asking me to give him another chance, promises about keeping me happy, never giving me any chance to complain about anything; even to the point of telling me that in the past 2 years (yes, its been as long as that) he has changed the habits I hadn’t liked in him (namely, his unpunctuality).

I know it sounds cold-hearted, but the fact is that I don’t even feel sorry for him a bit. If he prefers to live in the What might have been, then its really his call. I have given him no reason to believe that I’ll ever consider a future with him (no meetings, no phone calls), even going to the point of outright saying it. As I did again today.

And yet.. I know he’ll call again in another few months and say the same things all over again (sighhhhh)

Blind Date

Sunday, December 2nd, 2007

Blind Dates have an element of mystery and the unexpectedness about them. You never know what to expect, and though at times they can turn really horrible (friends tell me that this variety is too common), at other times you can also end up having a lot of fun.

It’s one of the fun experiences that I am going to share today.

I met this guy online. We interacted for a few months online, even talked on the phone a lot before we decided to meet up. The venue decided on was a small bakery – the kind where only a couple of people can squeeze inside in front of the counter, but with amazing cheesecakes. ;)

As he waved to me, his phone apparently decided to wing it, somersaulted a few times out of his hand and into the bin behind him. Well, what can I say except how can you ever say no to a guy who comes up with the most unexpected ways to get your attention (though he swears that was an accident).

An embarrassing start may not really sound like a great way to start off a first date, but the laugh we had over it once we both got over our surprise set the seal on the most fun-filled date I had in a long time.