Archive for the ‘Dilemmas’ Category

Breaking Up - Are you sure?

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Today, my younger sis called me up because she needed some ‘Relationship Advice.’

Her dilemma was if she should end her relationship or try and make it work. This has been one of those on and off relationships (think Rachel and Ross in Friends). Talking to her, I realized that the decision to break-up a relationship isn’t an easy one. Hurt, confusion, disappointment intermingled with the fear of regret makes it tough to trust your own decision.

Here are a few tips to help you decide:

1. Think Long-term

What is the whole motive behind the dating process? To find that special someone with whom you can share your life with.

I am not saying that you start planning your life together after a few dates. But when you are in doubt about a relationship for whatever reason, sometimes taking the long-term view helps put things in perspective. Think whether you want to be with the same person 5 years or 10 years down the line? Can you actually see yourself waking up next to them each and every morning of your life?

Tip: At times, imagining them how they may look after a few years (with belly fat, graying hair, wrinkles etc.) helps a lot. :D

2. Trust

If your trust has been compromised in a relationship, then you need to figure out if you can ever go back to trusting that person 100% again? If not, then there is no foundation for you to build a relationship on.

3. The Decision List

I call this the decision list because not only does it help deciding but also in sticking to the decision. And you can stick to your decision only if you are 100% sure it is the right thing to do.

Here’s how it works:

Make a 2 column list - one column contains what you like in your partner and the second column contains what irritates you about them. Then weigh up the pros and cons - Do their positives enable you to stand their negatives on a long-term basis? Remember, its not about a day or two, its about whether you can put up with these things day in and day out.