Archive for the ‘Break-Ups’ Category

The Museum Of Broken Relationships

Friday, January 9th, 2009

J had taken me to watch Garfield, but when we reached the hall, we were told that the show had been cancelled. I love Garfield, and was really disappointed. So J suggested we go for my second-most favorite activity instead: Shopping. ;)

That day, when I got home, I found a small Garfield soft-toy in my bag, with this note: “Kiddo, I hate to see you disappointed and I will never let it happen again.”

I used to sleep holding it in my arms when J couldn’t be there, and cried holding it when we had a fight. If I was angry with him, seeing it would just melt away my anger.

Me and J broke up 3 years later, but I have never been able to give that Garfield up. It was just too precious, and even against all good sense, I still sometimes sleep holding it when I miss him.

Most of us have our own mementoes that are too precious to be thrown away and yet too painful to be kept. They are a reminder of that Perfect Relationship, which we failed.

Remember the wedding dress Carrie in Sex and The City Movie bundles at the back of her closet because it was too beautiful to be destroyed? She later blames herself for being jilted at at the altar: “I let the wedding get bigger than Big.

Even if we bury them out of sight, these Ghosts Of Relationships Past haunt us, and only by getting rid of them can we be free and move on. Unfortunately, not many of us have the courage to toss them in the fire.

So, I can only admire the idea of the Museum Of Broken Relationships. The museum, currently on display in Singapore, contains the remnants of love relationships donated by the people in the cities they have visited.

MobileThere is the Mobile Phone that the woman received after the break-up so that she wouldn’t be able to call him anymore;
Prosthetic LimbThe Under-knee Prosthetic Limb that is all that survives of the love between a war veteran and a social worker;
Glass HorseThe Murano Glass Horse that was meant to be a symbol of eternal love for his wife but now is just a painful reminder of their 20 year marriage.

I think I am going to add to their exhibits soon. And I hope some of you can do the same too.

Tips For Breaking Up

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Our relationships are very much like us. Once they are dead, there is nothing that can bring the old magic back.

Some people move on sooner than others, but everyone feels guilty over it. Perhaps that is why most people refuse to give up on them, keep trying to make it work, even though in their hearts they know there is nothing left.

There is no resurrection for the dead - in life or in relationships. The best thing you can do is to realise this and move on. The first step towards this is to be very sure that you want to end this relationship.

The next step is to get it over with in as painless a way as possible for everyone involved. Though there is no way to end a relationship without a lot of hurt or pain, there are ways to minimise them.

But is there a way to break-up a relationship without any hurt? Actually No. Rejection is always hard to take, but rejection from someone you care for is much harder. The best you can manage is to minimise the hurt.

1. Location:

However strong the temptation, do not break-up over the phone or email. Your soon-to-be ex deserves that much respect. Still not convinced? Think how humiliating it would be if someone did the same with you. It sends out the signal that your time together has never meant anything to you. Choose a private place for your break-up speech. You do not want to add humiliation to hurt, and your partner needs some time to deal with the news. Yes, it can be difficult and wanting to avoid confrontations is natural. But don’t you want a clean break for once and all, so you can get on with your life.

2. Time

Do not break-off around your partner’s birthday or any other special occasions. Time is of great essence, chances are that your partner already has a hint about the cracks in your relationship. You don’t want them to remember their birthdays or other special days as the day when you broke their heart. Preferably, try to do it on a weekday, so that work keeps them a little busy, a weekend will just give them more time to sit and sulk.

3. Reason

This is THE most important aspect. Be honest, brutally honest if need be, because the person who has loved you deserves a true reason to know what went wrong and where. It will help you both get over the relationship more easily and quickly if you’re true to yourself. Im not saying have a proper speech ready, but the reasons you think and why do you think those reasons are important.

4. Duration

Make sure you both have time on your hands for the talk. You don’t want to rush through it. This might probably, be the last time when you both will be discussing your relationship in detail. So its necessary that you talk out all the flaws, and decide the way forward. 

5. Aftermath:

The safest way to get over a relationship is not be in touch for at least the first 3-4 months, even if you guys decide to end it off on a good note and be friends. Oh and ya, try and stay away from rebound relationships. You don’t want to get into something when you are most vulnerable. 

And, the last piece of advice, which everyone will tell you is try and keep yourself busy with work, your hobbies, friends, whatever. Resist the urge to be alone.

The Good Side Of Break-Ups

Monday, April 28th, 2008

The funny thing about break-ups is that they turn you into a better person.

I don’t mean the “turning into an emotionally stronger person” thing.. I mean simple everyday improvements in our behavior and habits that we are too lazy to bring about otherwise.

For every relationship that has ended, I have managed to forsake at least one bad habit.

Like the time when I was into a long-term relationship (3 years) and let myself go. I put on weight and couldn’t be bothered about exercise; I did not make much efforts to look great - presentable worked for me. And then the break off (and these were not the reasons) jerked me out out of my sloppiness.

I couldn’t fix my relationship, but I could fix myself.. and that got me to finally adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Another break-off led me to discover a love for music. Living in the same block, and being in the same college meant we made the long commutes together. When the relationship ended, I bought an iPod only so I could stop thinking of the time I spent with him.

Initially I listened to anything and everything (having never been much into music before) but slowly I discovered my own tastes.

Then the innumerable hairstyles I have tried because of break-ups. A new hairstyle is mandatory (is this only me?), and I know I would never otherwise experiment with my looks.

I guess I owe a Thank You to all my Ex’s

Breaking Up - Are you sure?

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Today, my younger sis called me up because she needed some ‘Relationship Advice.’

Her dilemma was if she should end her relationship or try and make it work. This has been one of those on and off relationships (think Rachel and Ross in Friends). Talking to her, I realized that the decision to break-up a relationship isn’t an easy one. Hurt, confusion, disappointment intermingled with the fear of regret makes it tough to trust your own decision.

Here are a few tips to help you decide:

1. Think Long-term

What is the whole motive behind the dating process? To find that special someone with whom you can share your life with.

I am not saying that you start planning your life together after a few dates. But when you are in doubt about a relationship for whatever reason, sometimes taking the long-term view helps put things in perspective. Think whether you want to be with the same person 5 years or 10 years down the line? Can you actually see yourself waking up next to them each and every morning of your life?

Tip: At times, imagining them how they may look after a few years (with belly fat, graying hair, wrinkles etc.) helps a lot. :D

2. Trust

If your trust has been compromised in a relationship, then you need to figure out if you can ever go back to trusting that person 100% again? If not, then there is no foundation for you to build a relationship on.

3. The Decision List

I call this the decision list because not only does it help deciding but also in sticking to the decision. And you can stick to your decision only if you are 100% sure it is the right thing to do.

Here’s how it works:

Make a 2 column list - one column contains what you like in your partner and the second column contains what irritates you about them. Then weigh up the pros and cons - Do their positives enable you to stand their negatives on a long-term basis? Remember, its not about a day or two, its about whether you can put up with these things day in and day out.