Archive for the ‘Dating Tips and Advice’ Category

How to please a man ???

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

SEX!!!

Open and Shut case ….let’s move onto the other topic. Thank You for your time.

But Hey, Hold On…it’s not that simple. Men ACTUALLY want a whole plethora of meaningful things in a relationship. As contradictory and shocking as it may sound, it’s as true as the keyboard on your pc.

See the thing is that we men are just a little more vocal about our need for sex and hence we are branded as sexual animals. Let me tell you that a woman craves for it as much as a man does. After all it’s an integral part of your relationship; nothing bad about it.

However, that said; let me also emphasize the other needs we have in a relationship.

When a man gets in a relationship and it moves past your first few weeks and he’s sure about the relationship, he involves himself more emotionally in that relationship that a woman does. It’s a proven fact that it’s harder for men to come out of the relationship than a woman. And the very reason behind it is that we attach ourselves very emotionally.

The one thing we need most out of a relationship is a partner who can understand us; and by understanding I mean understand us without us being too vocal about our feelings. A situation where you can talk to your partner without actually saying a word is the most desired situation in a relationship, and once you reach that situation you know you can safely take it to the next level.

Another thing that men want is for a woman to understand that we need our boy’s drinking binges and sports and beer as much as you want your lipsticks and mascaras.

And last but most important thing we want is SEX!!!!

Hahahaaha…..jokes apart….

The last and only thing we ask is not to stretch fights like a chewing gum; if you’re angry or upset at something or our actions (or inactions :P) let’s just talk it out and get over with the topic at hand rather than stretching it which ends up in us loosening our wallet strings just to see that smile on your face.

If you look at it, it’s not that difficult to please a man.

 –Mr. A

P.S. …and yes SEX is important!!!

What Work Stress Can Do To Your Relationship

Friday, February 27th, 2009

Anna and James were the ideal couple in the eyes of everyone around them. They had been best friends in college and then became lovers. You know the fairytale clichés about Passionately In Love, Have Eyes Only For each other and Happily Ever Afters - that was them.

So when the unthinkable happened - it was a surprise to everyone - family, friends, but most of all to Anna herself. She knew they had have problems but she had thought they could work them out. After all, which relationship doesn’t have its fair share of problems? And as she put it “When you have been together for so long and been through so much together, you think your bond is unbreakable.”

Can you take a guess what sounded the death knell on such a strong relationship?

No, it was not Cheating, it wasn’t Lack of Trust Or Jealousy or Disillusionment or the fact that they fell out of love. It was simply - BURNOUT.

Psychologists associate Burnout with 12 phases - a compulsion to prove oneself, working harder, neglecting one’s own needs,
displacement of conflicts (the person does not realize the root cause of the distress), revision of values (friends or hobbies are completely dismissed), denial of emerging problems (cynicism and aggression become apparent), withdrawal (reducing social contacts to a minimum, becoming walled off; alcohol or other substance abuse may occur), behavioral changes become obvious to others, inner emptiness, depression, burnout syndrome.

James had always been a bit of a workaholic but the more he got secure about his relationship - the more he immersed himself in his work. Since Anna herself could be a workaholic when she was excited about a project, she understood and it had never been a big issue before. A few forgotten dates or turning up late might anger her sometimes but never for long, plus she needed the same leeway sometimes too.

But there came a point where Anna could not even recognize James. From someone who didn’t raise his voice even when angry to the person who would pick up a fight simply because she had been unable to take his call immediately, from a teetotaler to a drunkard, from someone who worried if she was 10 minutes late to someone who didn’t even notice her calls or messages when she got in real trouble and needed him.

At what point in such a case do you cross the line from being Supportive Partner To Emotionally Abused Partner? When do you know that enough is enough and you need to get out, and then not feel guilty about it? When do you stop looking for the sweet guy you fell in love with in the jerk in front of you?

Want to know how this story ended - James burnout progressed to the point where he became emotionally unavailable and cut off contact with his friends, family and even Anna. Where simply losing touch was not enough, he became emotionally and physically abusive.

And Anna.. she is still wondering if she is such a horrible person that a guy who had loved her so much had learned to hate her.

5 Truths About Women

Saturday, December 27th, 2008

1. Even the quietest and shyest among us loves to talk. And we love men who really listen, not just pretend to. Believe me, we have enough practice in knowing the difference.

2. You want our dirty secrets? Don’t look for a diary, you need our girl friends (if you can get them to talk, that is). Contrary to all logic, our secrets are safer with them than they would be in diary buried in the bowels of earth. It would be better and easier for you to accept that you will only ever know what we choose to tell you. We call it TRUST.

3. We all have FAKED orgasms sometime or the other, though none of us will admit to it in front of you. And the reason is that we love you enough to not care at all if we forgo our pleasure occasionally.

4. Men Want Toys, Women Want Diamonds. And this effectively solves the argument about which is the Smarter Sex.

5. We know you don’t get hints. But we still hint about what we want, because it means so much more to us if you understood and got it for us. We don’t even care if you get it right or not, just the fact that you tried is very precious. So the next time you crib about us not being upfront, think of the benefits: if you get it right, you get a great time; if you don’t, you still get full marks for trying.

Trust Or Fear?

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
                   – Julia Roberts as Anna Scott (Notting Hill)

I couldn’t help but remember this line as I watched Britney’s tell all documentary: Britney For The Record. With this one line, Julia Roberts had captured the yearning for love and the fear of rejection that each woman has, no matter how beautiful or famous she maybe.

Believe me, I am no Britney fan, and her behavior over the past couple of years, especially the infamous head-shaving incident, has seemed to me to be increasingly desperate attempts at grabbing public attention. However, watching the show, I could not but pity her and at the same time admire her too.

“You can’t really go there in a complete state of happiness because you’re scared it’s going to be taken away.”

That is too familiar.

While each one of us is looking for love, we are also secretly afraid of finding it, because finding it means giving up control. It makes us feel exposed and vulnerable to the possibility of being hurt.

This fear can slowly poison even the most beautiful relationships, and just prove our worst fears right. Vicious Circle, indeed.

The only way to rid one-self of this fear is TRUST - in your partner, in yourself, and in destiny.

When you bounce a baby in air, he laughs… because he knows you will catch him. That is the purest form of trust, and that is what is needed in relationships too.

You could argue that trusting someone so easily and completely is foolhardy but notice the difference between two. I do not say that you should trust easily, but once you do; trust completely because not trusting completely just means distrust.

When you are able to do that, only then you will no longer be afraid and really begin to love, and that really is the best feeling in the world.

Meanwhile, here’s hoping that Britney does fulfill her wish of getting married and living with her husband and kids on a secluded island.

What Men Really Want Out Of A Relationship

Friday, December 5th, 2008

Its been said that the fairer sex is more complex, than us men. And, I dont think anyone would debate that.

Relationships are very complex things, scholars even today are at their wits end to solve this maze and come out with a prognosis for a perfect relationship. The moment 2 individuals get involved with each other, no matter at what level, their are bound to be expectations and with expectations comes the emotions of joy and hurt.

I might be an educated man, but I cannot talk intelligently about what is the recipe for a perfect relationship or for that matter what do men and women expect out of each other. Although I can make a feeble attempt at listing a few things that we as men would want in a relationship. 

1.Sex:

Let’s be honest, be it men or women, we all want it, we all need it. And if it’s good, then the chances of that relationship flourishing are second to none. Men have been targeted every now and then by the accusations that this is the only thing we look for in a relationship. What we tend to ignore is the fact that women need it as badly as we do. So, instead of shying away from it or considering it as taboo, please embrace it with open arms(n legs)….hahaa…(forgive me but I couldn’t resist myself on that one).

2.Space:

This is the most imp. thing that needs to be addressed. Just because we are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that our lives have come to a dead end with other people in our life. We need to go and hang out with our gang every once in a while, we need that boys night out as you do yours. In fact, to let out a secret, more free you let us be, we will come back to you. You keep breathing down our necks and we will find ways to run away from you.

3.Listen:

Another misconception that I would like to clear is that men have their guys, their bars, their sports to de-stress. We do, but there are times when we would want you to just sit and listen to what we have to say. It might be related to our office, our relationship, our car, just sit and lend us an ear. Not necessarily we would want advice or want to hear about your new haircut at that time, all we need is someone who can hear us out.

4.Talks about future:

This one is a BIG NO NO. The surest way to scare a man away is to discuss what your future with him looks like, in the initial stages of the relationship itself. If you think you need need to have the talk, then make sure you have it face to face rather than on the phone. And try not to get into the details like what your pet’s name going to be, just have a boarder perspective to the conversation.

We men are very simple beings, with very simple demands. You take care of these, in the said order ;) and we’ll take care of you.

– Mr. A

Tips For Breaking Up

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Our relationships are very much like us. Once they are dead, there is nothing that can bring the old magic back.

Some people move on sooner than others, but everyone feels guilty over it. Perhaps that is why most people refuse to give up on them, keep trying to make it work, even though in their hearts they know there is nothing left.

There is no resurrection for the dead - in life or in relationships. The best thing you can do is to realise this and move on. The first step towards this is to be very sure that you want to end this relationship.

The next step is to get it over with in as painless a way as possible for everyone involved. Though there is no way to end a relationship without a lot of hurt or pain, there are ways to minimise them.

But is there a way to break-up a relationship without any hurt? Actually No. Rejection is always hard to take, but rejection from someone you care for is much harder. The best you can manage is to minimise the hurt.

1. Location:

However strong the temptation, do not break-up over the phone or email. Your soon-to-be ex deserves that much respect. Still not convinced? Think how humiliating it would be if someone did the same with you. It sends out the signal that your time together has never meant anything to you. Choose a private place for your break-up speech. You do not want to add humiliation to hurt, and your partner needs some time to deal with the news. Yes, it can be difficult and wanting to avoid confrontations is natural. But don’t you want a clean break for once and all, so you can get on with your life.

2. Time

Do not break-off around your partner’s birthday or any other special occasions. Time is of great essence, chances are that your partner already has a hint about the cracks in your relationship. You don’t want them to remember their birthdays or other special days as the day when you broke their heart. Preferably, try to do it on a weekday, so that work keeps them a little busy, a weekend will just give them more time to sit and sulk.

3. Reason

This is THE most important aspect. Be honest, brutally honest if need be, because the person who has loved you deserves a true reason to know what went wrong and where. It will help you both get over the relationship more easily and quickly if you’re true to yourself. Im not saying have a proper speech ready, but the reasons you think and why do you think those reasons are important.

4. Duration

Make sure you both have time on your hands for the talk. You don’t want to rush through it. This might probably, be the last time when you both will be discussing your relationship in detail. So its necessary that you talk out all the flaws, and decide the way forward. 

5. Aftermath:

The safest way to get over a relationship is not be in touch for at least the first 3-4 months, even if you guys decide to end it off on a good note and be friends. Oh and ya, try and stay away from rebound relationships. You don’t want to get into something when you are most vulnerable. 

And, the last piece of advice, which everyone will tell you is try and keep yourself busy with work, your hobbies, friends, whatever. Resist the urge to be alone.

How NOT To Use Your Birthday As A Pick-Up Line

Sunday, November 9th, 2008

I recently received this scrap on my online profile:

“Hi, my birthday is also on 17th July. Do you know its significance?”

Nothing wrong with it, you say?

The problem is that my birthday is NOT on 17th July, and when I checked his profile, neither was his.

In passing, is he asking the significance of 17th July or of having the same birthday (assuming our birthdays had matched)?

TV And “The Talk”

Saturday, November 8th, 2008

“Why do women have to have “The Talk” when we are watching TV?”

“What were you watching?”

“The F1 Finale, and since it was almost over, why couldn’t she have waited for another 10 minutes? And now she won’t talk to me at all.”

Being an F1 fan myself, I could sympathize with my friend’s exasperation. After all, even I made sure that I was not disturbed while I waited to see if Hamilton would clinch the title or miss it again this year. Unfortunately, being a woman, I could also understand her point of view.

So why do we do this? The answer is actually so simple and ludicrous that not many men will believe it.

And yes, we do know it’s an exasperating habit on our part. But when insecurity creeps into a relationship, even TV can seem like a threat. (Yes, I know how stupid that sounds).

Women bring up the “The Talk” when they are feeling insecure or neglected at some level. Not that it takes a lot to make us feel that way. And TV has a way of making our insecurities bigger. I think it’s because when most men get their hands on a remote, they are completely oblivious to everything else, and so we just feel even more neglected.

We think that if you can actually turn off the TV and talk to us, you do care for us. I can’t say what will happen if some guy actually did do this, but I have a feeling that instead of “The Talk”, she will just cuddle up against you to watch the rest of the show.

And if any of you women out there is lucky enough to have a guy who will switch off the TV to talk to you, then all I can say is GAL… Don’t ever let him go.

Dealing With It

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

When I was 15, my mom decided it was time I learnt to cook. She figured it would be a useful way of spending the summer vacations. Unfortunately, I discovered how much I hated cooking and the vacations turned into a series of bickering matches between us. I think we could have easily won a championship in it. Mum kept insisting that it’s a skill (cooking, not bickering) everyone should have, and while I agreed secretly, I opposed her with all the stubbornness of my teenage years.

I actually bought a tee that said “I’M PERFECT. Cute, Smart, Single And Can’t Cook.” And I wore it every time mom got on the “cooking is a necessary skill” bandwagon.

It finally goaded her into telling me one day that I would never be able to find someone willing to marry me if I remained so stubborn and didn’t learn to cook.

And I retaliated by saying that Love is blind, at least temporarily. No one sees their partner’s faults until after they are married, and then they just have to learn to deal with them. That was how dad married her, and that was how some generally sensible but a temporarily love-blinded fool would end up marrying me too.

10 years on, I still hold to that theory, but the fact is that most of us have simply forgotten the “deal with them” part. I don’t mean that you should tolerate infidelity, violence, or abuse in a marriage. But is it really worth it to file for a divorce for reasons such as religious or cultural differences, bad sex, ego problems, lifestyle differences etc.?

These issues can be fixed, so why don’t we try hard enough in the most important relationships of our lives?

We say sorry easily if we accidently bump into a stranger, but we find it so hard to say it to the person who matters most even when we know we have really caused hurt to him/her.

We respect, or at least pretend to respect the cultural and religious differences in the public sphere, but we can’t do the same to bring a smile to our partner’s face.

So your expectations from your marriage were different. You hadn’t imagined that such problems could arise.

Well, did your job come up to your idealistic expectations when you first started off? Or do you not deal with unimagined crises at work? Did you quit your job or change your profession because of them or did you adjust your expectations and dealt with the problems?

Reality Check: Life Sucks. You will always have unexpected, unimagined problems to deal with. Quit being a baby and deal with it.

Breaking Up - Are you sure?

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Today, my younger sis called me up because she needed some ‘Relationship Advice.’

Her dilemma was if she should end her relationship or try and make it work. This has been one of those on and off relationships (think Rachel and Ross in Friends). Talking to her, I realized that the decision to break-up a relationship isn’t an easy one. Hurt, confusion, disappointment intermingled with the fear of regret makes it tough to trust your own decision.

Here are a few tips to help you decide:

1. Think Long-term

What is the whole motive behind the dating process? To find that special someone with whom you can share your life with.

I am not saying that you start planning your life together after a few dates. But when you are in doubt about a relationship for whatever reason, sometimes taking the long-term view helps put things in perspective. Think whether you want to be with the same person 5 years or 10 years down the line? Can you actually see yourself waking up next to them each and every morning of your life?

Tip: At times, imagining them how they may look after a few years (with belly fat, graying hair, wrinkles etc.) helps a lot. :D

2. Trust

If your trust has been compromised in a relationship, then you need to figure out if you can ever go back to trusting that person 100% again? If not, then there is no foundation for you to build a relationship on.

3. The Decision List

I call this the decision list because not only does it help deciding but also in sticking to the decision. And you can stick to your decision only if you are 100% sure it is the right thing to do.

Here’s how it works:

Make a 2 column list - one column contains what you like in your partner and the second column contains what irritates you about them. Then weigh up the pros and cons - Do their positives enable you to stand their negatives on a long-term basis? Remember, its not about a day or two, its about whether you can put up with these things day in and day out.