Archive for September, 2007

Expecting Expectations! - Women versus Men

Sunday, September 23rd, 2007

“Sarah, I am sorry but I think we should part ways now.”

For a moment, Sarah could not believe her ears. Was this the same man who had once proposed everlasting togetherness to her? How had things gotten so bad between them, where had the love and passion that had bound them together for the past 4 years gone? She desperately searched for these answers in his eyes, even as she forced herself to ask,

“James, is there really no way out? Could we not try to work out things?”

“We have not been able to come up to each other’s expectations.”

“Expectations James!!!”

Sarah stood up firmly and walked to the door, saying as she let herself out,

“Yes James, you are right! The individual in me has finally trespassed the woman who kept trying to fulfill your expectations.”

Are you this disappointed James or bewildered Sarah whose relationship is falling apart because of unkept promises or unfulfilled expectations?

Nowhere else is the gender difference more visible than in the ‘expectations’ that men and women have from each other in a relationship. While these differences spell disaster for some people, others capitalise on them to pave the way for loving and successful relationships.

Let’s have a dig at the different expectations that men and women have from their partners; expectations that are essential to their nature.

For women, expectations could range from the trivial such as wanting a bouquet of roses to the serious such as wanting committment. The underlying theme in all their expectations is a need to feel special.

1. Roses
Though this might smack of a teenage hangover, the fact is that women associate roses with love and romance. Roses are indispensable on special occassions, and even a single rose occasionally for no reason can do wonders for your relationship.

2. Chocolates
Unless she is on a diet, or into sugar-free foods (in which case you can try giving dark chocolate), no woman is going to refuse chocolates. Leaving aside the scientific yada-yada about the effect of chocolates on women’s hormones to make them feel happy; the fact is that 99.9% women love chocolates.

3. Gifts
Unexpected gifts bought for no reason… make her feel special, and will add that extra zing to your relationship. They need not be expensive (or even useful). If she’s in love with you, she will not check the worth of your gifts, but the gesture behind it. On the other hand, if its your first date, she might just decide whether you are stingy or generous based on your gift.

4. Adoration and Praise
Every woman wants to be beautiful in the eyes of the man she loves. And she needs to know this constantly, so never get tired of telling her how beautiful you think she is. And never ever make the mistake of saying that you think someone else is more beautiful (atleast in her hearing).

Infact, compare her negatively with any woman in any way only if you want to seriously jeopardize your relationship.

5. Commitment
Spoken or unspoken, codified or verbal, all women need commitment.

6. Sincerity and Loyalty
She is serious about you, sincere and loyal regarding her relationship with you and expects the same from you.

7. Weekend Trips, Movies and Parties
Afer a while, relationships tend to go stale. Doing fun things together such as going for trips, movies, parties etc., and taking time out of your busy schedules to just enjoy each other’s company can help bring the romance back.

8. Career Support
Modern women want men who can respect and support their ambitions. In return, she will suport your career and ambitions wholeheartedly, at times even at the cost of her own career.

9. Seduction
Women love their men to take initiative, and even though you may not feel the need for seduction, it makes her feel sexy and desirable and that will show in her response.

The rules governing the relationships between men and women have changed dramatically in the past century. Though a woman is no longer expected to be submissive, even the most modern man can have some seemingly old-fashioned expectations.

1. Love and Care
He loves you and wants to be the centre of your universe. He expects you to fill his life and home with love, compassion and care.

Pamper his ego sometimes, he will love it. Its not because he considers his gender superior, but simply because he needs to know as much as you that you think the world of him.

2. Confidence
Every man admires a woman who is confident about her abilities and still revels in her feminity. He also takes pride in your appearance, and would want you to maintain yourself and look attractive always for him.

3. Less Questions Please
Men have an inherent dislike of being questioned, especially about their motives and/or feelings. You shower a volley of questions at him and he is pissed off. Do not think that his reluctance to have heart-to-heart talks means he’s losing interest in you; it’s simply not his nature.

4. Co-operation and Trust
He wants to share his professional and personal troubles with you, even if at times you have to coax him a little to do that. You may not be able to advice or help him, but just sharing his anxieties with you and the assurance that you’ll stand by him in every contingency is what he needs.

5. Good Mother
However old-fashioned it may sound, he’ll expect you to take on the larger part of the responsibilities of children and home. Men do not have the nurturing instinct of women, and they won’t pamper the kids. It would be better to define clearly his & her roles and responsibilities right from the outset.

6. Reciprocal in Bed
He might initiate, but he wants equal participation from you in bed, and sometimes, he expects you to take the driver’s seat.

Categorized thus, do all men and women respect their gender differences and understand the expectations of their partners?

For Sarah and James, fulfillment of their own individual expectations had been central to the success of their relationship, which thus failed. In another case, Janet and Mark had a day when….

Mark was late.. by three hours. He wouldn’t pick her calls either. Janet could not help but worry.. had he been in an accid.. but no she wouldn’t think of that. He must have forgotten his promise to take her out for dinner, or perhaps had just forgotten the day.

As soon as she heard the unmistakable sound of a car drive up on the curb, she ran out to find Mark getting out of the car.

“I am….I am sorry Janet… Actually I was…” stammered Mark, as Janet ran into his arms.

“You were stuck up in a meeting that was scheduled at the last moment and indispensable. Right?”

“Ya… I am sorry. I promised to take you out for dinner after months and I…”

“But you couldn’t help it. Mark, it doesn’t matter if at the end of the day we are together.”

Grateful for her love and patience, Mark kissed her, and whispered in her ear as they walked into the house, “Thanks for being this amazing wife, thanks for completing my sentences…..wow!!!”

A candle-lit table, laid out for dinner and with a cake in the centre met his eyes.

“I thought that since we could not go out for dinner now, we could celebrate at home.”

He knelt down, withdrew a ring from his coat pocket, “Janet, my love, Happy Anniversary!!!”

“I Love You Mark.”

Janet expects Mark to keep his promises, especially for special days but at the same time, she wants him to succeed at work. This was a situation that could well have led to a disagreement between them, but instead served to only strengthen their love for each other. All it took was a little patience and understanding.

We wish that this article has helped you to understand and respect you different expectations. May you find happiness in your relationships like Janet and Mark for whom their expectations have been a cementing bond instead of a handicap as was in the case of Sarah and James.

Author- Shelly Bhoil

Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Wondering if it is possible to find your soul mate online through a dating service? The answer is Yes.

 

The easy access to the Internet has made Online Dating a popular option for many. It also has its own distinct advantages over the traditional methods of dating. It’s especially a boon to people who are either very shy or very busy.

 

Online Dating offers the advantage of getting to know the person before you have so much as exchanged a word (or should we say an email.) By just going through their profiles, you can get an idea of their hobbies and cultural preferences – the kind of information that you would normally find out after a few dates.

 

There are hundreds of examples of people who met through online dating services, built strong friendship bonds that in many cases translated in a strong foundation for their married lives.

 

But there are always two sides to any coin. The same reasons that make Online Dating so popular can also as easily turn it into a nightmarish experience.

 

Thus, if you are thinking of joining an Online Dating Service, you need to carefully consider both its Advantages and Disadvantages.

 

Disadvantages

  • The person on the other end is a complete stranger. Though that is also true for someone you might meet at your local bar or club, it is easier to keep up pretences online than when you are face-to-face. One option to deal with this is to use webcams, but you cannot force others to do the same and filtering out people not using webcams would limit your options a lot, which is not desirable. Also, even with webcams, it is not always easy to understand their body language well.
  • Though most online dating services allow members to upload their pictures, it still does not always give you a clear idea of their looks. Also, at times you may find that the photographs have been manipulated, that is, they may upload their old photographs which do not bear much resemblance to them now, or even use someone else’s photographs.
  • Inaccurate information regarding their age, educational qualification and even marital status may be given by some people.
  • The Internet provides a cloak of anonymity to everyone, in the sense that a person can choose what and how much to reveal themselves. While this may be a good thing from your personal security point of view, it also means that there are a lot of online sexual predators out there. Minors are especially susceptible to these – Parents are advised to monitor the online habits of their children at all times, and advise them on the precautions to be taken while dating online.
  • You may need to travel to another city, state, or country to meet someone. In such a case, you’ll need to consider if relocation is a viable option - sometimes even before you have first met the person. However, this difficulty can be overcome by selecting location preferences while searching the database for your prospective date.

Caution: It is better to use a reputed Online Dating Service. Not only will they have more quality singles but also the advantages will far outweigh the disadvantages.

 

Advantages

  • Online Dating sites provide you with the opportunity to get to know people from across the globe. Thus, your search isn’t limited to your local clubs and restaurants and longer and you can find people with the same interests, priorities, lifestyle, and background.
  • It is also far safer to meet a prospective date online than to meet someone at a bar or club. Online Dating sites safeguard the identity of their members. Thus, you have the option to decide what information you want to reveal, when and to whom.
  • Age isn’t a pre-requisite. You can be 20 or 70 – online dating services are designed to meet the needs of each age group. Similarly, your ethnic group or religious preferences need not be a hindrance in your quest for a soul mate.
  • You need not Dress Up to impress your date. Instead, you can relax in your favorite pair of PJs with a cup of coffee while carrying on a conversation online. This is especially a boon for people with busy schedules who otherwise do not have the time and energy required by the traditional concept of dating.
  • People who are shy or nervous in the presence of the opposite sex can find that sending a message online is far easier than approaching them personally. Similarly, people with a negative body-image about themselves find that they are more comfortable dating online as the emphasis is more on getting to know the person behind the face.
  • Generally 2 people will start communicating through emails, move on to phone conversations and get comfortable with each other before they meet up for their first date. It means that there are no awkward pauses or nasty surprises in store and you can take your own time with a relationship without running the risk of hurting anyone.
  • The Cost Factor can be considered to be the biggest advantage of using Online Dating Services. The average cost for accessing thousands of profiles that match your preferences at your convenience is a meager 20-25$ per month. A lot of reputed Web sites also offer their services for free.

Author - Banashree Chatterjee

If you are new to this site - Lets101 is a FREE online Dating Network where we continuously help members to get the right date through our personality matching programs, email introductions and facilitating talk over phone without revealing phone numbers. Before reading this article you may like to quickly glance through How Lets101 Works