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I have heard my share of really bad pick-up lines over the years, but these just take the cake. Some are so awful, that you wouldn’t even believe that anyone in their right mind would even contemplate using then for a moment, unless you had heard them yourself.

Here is my list of the 5 REALLY AWFUL ones that just should not be used under any circumstances. Trust me, the only reaction they would inspire is an YEWW… even if it was Brad Pitt himself saying them.

Here goes.., in reverse order

5. Do you believe in Santa? Coz you are on my Christmas wish-list.
Since then, I have never gone out partying in the week before Christmas.

4. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
What makes people think that references to holidays or Santa are cute?

3. Baby, come sit on my lap.. and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.
Well, why don’t you just pop off outta my sight!

2. I’d suck a fart out of your ass and hold it like a bong hit.
Yewww.. Just get lost

And the worst one is:

1. I want to floss with your pubic hair.
Yewwww Yewwww Yewwww.. And this time I did the disappearing act.

In my opinion, Pick-up lines can be classified in three categories: Good, Bad, and Just Awful.

And it’s a taste of one of the Just Awful ones that I got last night.

I was out partying with my friends in one of the hottest new spot in town. Everything was going great; we were having so much fun, and the really cute guy I had been eyeing for the past hour asked me to dance. I just wish he had kept his mouth closed.

Dancing to a slow song in the arms of a sexy man (and one who knew how to dance moreover)…mmm wow. Just my luck that fate decides to turn the Prince into a Pig. He said, and I quote “I want you so much… I even want to floss with your pubic hair.” EXCUSE ME!!!!

Needless to say, I made a run of it. And it will definitely be some time (a long time) before I go to that place again.

Men seem to think that women don’t really mean it when they say no. And if you persist, they will eventually agree.

GET REAL GUYS.. This is the 21st century, and Modesty isn’t that prevalent a virtue. When a woman says NO.. she means it. And you should just scuttle off and hide (better ask out her prettier friend though).

In fact, recognizing the fact that she knows what she wants, might just get you better returns (with the other women around, that is). Persistence doesn’t always pay, and sometimes it really gets too much…

Like today morning for me…

I dated this guy on the rebound, after my 3 year old relationship broke up. Needless to say, I was emotionally vulnerable, and his straightforward and honest approach to everything after the web of lies I had discovered in my last relationship seemed really attractive. The fact that we worked in the same office (different departments though), and lived within walking distance meant that spending time together wasn’t a problem either. He made me feel good and that was all that mattered then.

A month after we started dating, he was transferred to another country. I knew he had gone only for a short-term project and would be back after 3 months, and when he did come back.. I felt no happiness or excitement on seeing him again, just like I hadn’t felt any sadness when he had left. Quite simply, time to call it quits.

Apparently I hadn’t counted on his feelings (or should I say persistence?) He tried to make me stay, but I refused. I just did not feel anything for him. He tried again after a few months and when I still refused, he seemed to give up finally. In fact, the last time I heard from him, he had apparently fallen in love (a ploy to make me feel jealous??).

Until today morning that is.. He called me up, and in the midst of friendly chit-chat, the old topic cropped again. Asking me to give him another chance, promises about keeping me happy, never giving me any chance to complain about anything; even to the point of telling me that in the past 2 years (yes, its been as long as that) he has changed the habits I hadn’t liked in him (namely, his unpunctuality).

I know it sounds cold-hearted, but the fact is that I don’t even feel sorry for him a bit. If he prefers to live in the What might have been, then its really his call. I have given him no reason to believe that I’ll ever consider a future with him (no meetings, no phone calls), even going to the point of outright saying it. As I did again today.

And yet.. I know he’ll call again in another few months and say the same things all over again (sighhhhh)

Yesterday, two of my dearest friends tied the knot. For two people from conservative backgrounds and different religions, their love-life had been more about struggle than romance.

In the 6 years that I have known them, I saw their friendship grow into love. Even though I wanted the best for both of them, I was also one of the first people to advise them to not tangle their lives with each other, and thank goodness that they ignored it.

I still remember the miserable expression on Misha’s face when she confessed her love for Andy to me, and next day the same expression reflected on Andy’s face when he confessed about his love for her to me. Misery.. because they both knew that it was a doomed relationship right from the start.

I think I spent quite a few sleepless nights trying to decide whether to let them know about their mutual feelings. In the end, it was as it should have been.. they told each other. Though I was thankful that I didn’t have the burden of that knowledge anymore, I was also horrified about the whole scenario. I could understand the fear of reprisal from their families, but more than that, I was afraid of the result of the only possible ending I could see for them – separation.

In the beginning of their relationship, when they battled with their doubts and fears separately.. I wondered if ultimately these fears won’t wreck their relationship much before their families had a say. And later, as their relationship became stronger, and they faced their fears together, becoming each other’s source of strength; I did the only thing I could.. prayed that everything went well for them both.

I have never felt more thankful than when I did seeing them getting married with the blessings of both their families. It took a lot of courage and persuasion on their parts to get their parents to accept and agree to their relationship.

But in the end.. does it really matter that they use different prayer books?

Blind Dates have an element of mystery and the unexpectedness about them. You never know what to expect, and though at times they can turn really horrible (friends tell me that this variety is too common), at other times you can also end up having a lot of fun.

It’s one of the fun experiences that I am going to share today.

I met this guy online. We interacted for a few months online, even talked on the phone a lot before we decided to meet up. The venue decided on was a small bakery – the kind where only a couple of people can squeeze inside in front of the counter, but with amazing cheesecakes.

As he waved to me, his phone apparently decided to wing it, somersaulted a few times out of his hand and into the bin behind him. Well, what can I say except how can you ever say no to a guy who comes up with the most unexpected ways to get your attention (though he swears that was an accident).

An embarrassing start may not really sound like a great way to start off a first date, but the laugh we had over it once we both got over our surprise set the seal on the most fun-filled date I had in a long time.