Archive for July, 2008

Dealing With It

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

When I was 15, my mom decided it was time I learnt to cook. She figured it would be a useful way of spending the summer vacations. Unfortunately, I discovered how much I hated cooking and the vacations turned into a series of bickering matches between us. I think we could have easily won a championship in it. Mum kept insisting that it’s a skill (cooking, not bickering) everyone should have, and while I agreed secretly, I opposed her with all the stubbornness of my teenage years.

I actually bought a tee that said “I’M PERFECT. Cute, Smart, Single And Can’t Cook.” And I wore it every time mom got on the “cooking is a necessary skill” bandwagon.

It finally goaded her into telling me one day that I would never be able to find someone willing to marry me if I remained so stubborn and didn’t learn to cook.

And I retaliated by saying that Love is blind, at least temporarily. No one sees their partner’s faults until after they are married, and then they just have to learn to deal with them. That was how dad married her, and that was how some generally sensible but a temporarily love-blinded fool would end up marrying me too.

10 years on, I still hold to that theory, but the fact is that most of us have simply forgotten the “deal with them” part. I don’t mean that you should tolerate infidelity, violence, or abuse in a marriage. But is it really worth it to file for a divorce for reasons such as religious or cultural differences, bad sex, ego problems, lifestyle differences etc.?

These issues can be fixed, so why don’t we try hard enough in the most important relationships of our lives?

We say sorry easily if we accidently bump into a stranger, but we find it so hard to say it to the person who matters most even when we know we have really caused hurt to him/her.

We respect, or at least pretend to respect the cultural and religious differences in the public sphere, but we can’t do the same to bring a smile to our partner’s face.

So your expectations from your marriage were different. You hadn’t imagined that such problems could arise.

Well, did your job come up to your idealistic expectations when you first started off? Or do you not deal with unimagined crises at work? Did you quit your job or change your profession because of them or did you adjust your expectations and dealt with the problems?

Reality Check: Life Sucks. You will always have unexpected, unimagined problems to deal with. Quit being a baby and deal with it.