Archive for December, 2008

5 Truths About Women

Saturday, December 27th, 2008

1. Even the quietest and shyest among us loves to talk. And we love men who really listen, not just pretend to. Believe me, we have enough practice in knowing the difference.

2. You want our dirty secrets? Don’t look for a diary, you need our girl friends (if you can get them to talk, that is). Contrary to all logic, our secrets are safer with them than they would be in diary buried in the bowels of earth. It would be better and easier for you to accept that you will only ever know what we choose to tell you. We call it TRUST.

3. We all have FAKED orgasms sometime or the other, though none of us will admit to it in front of you. And the reason is that we love you enough to not care at all if we forgo our pleasure occasionally.

4. Men Want Toys, Women Want Diamonds. And this effectively solves the argument about which is the Smarter Sex.

5. We know you don’t get hints. But we still hint about what we want, because it means so much more to us if you understood and got it for us. We don’t even care if you get it right or not, just the fact that you tried is very precious. So the next time you crib about us not being upfront, think of the benefits: if you get it right, you get a great time; if you don’t, you still get full marks for trying.

Love Is…?

Friday, December 26th, 2008

You meet his eyes across the room. He is cute but not really your type. So you look away, but you can still feel his intense gaze on you.

After a while, he comes up to you. You end up having a great conversation and are surprised to find that you spent almost the whole evening chatting to him.

What’s more, he did not give any hint that he was interested in more than just talking. Well, not until you think that he only concentrated on you all the time you were chatting. You are confused.. because after all you aren’t really interested in him, and yet he was so great to talk to that you didn’t notice anyone else either.

You manage to convince yourself that you had imagined his intense gaze earlier in the evening. Probably it was just a trick of the light on his eyes; in any case you were too far to tell, and also feeling a bit self-conscious about the dress you were wearing because it isn’t exactly your style either, even if it looked great.

A few meetings convince you more than ever that it is nothing more than the kind of chemistry that makes best friends, a la Will and Grace, only he is straight. Come to think of it, that was the tragedy of the show.

Then there are hints. Hints that he likes you a LOT; you brush them away as your imaginings. His touch begins to feel possessive rather than friendly; you brush it away as just concern.

But sometimes, just sometimes, you wonder what if it was for real? Not for too long, because you don’t know your own feelings, and you are scared that you might lose your friend.

He has somehow become indispensable, you see. He is the person you can say anything to, you think of first when you want to share anything happy or sad, the first person you call when you need help.

Yes, it sounds like love, but you are not sure. It’s better this way, because he can’t hurt you very much this way. Truth is, your heart knows that if you allowed yourself to love him, he could destroy you like no one else could ever do.

And then he says IT. And you are not prepared.

“I am a person who is looking for Love. Ridiculous, Inconvenient, Consuming, Can’t-Live-Without-Each-Other Love.”

You thought so too, and you have it now. All you need to do is reach out and take it, but you can’t, you just can’t.

Maybe it’s just because it isn’t meant to be this way. Maybe love isn’t meant to be taken but given. And until you can do that, it won’t feel right.

Trust Or Fear?

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
                   – Julia Roberts as Anna Scott (Notting Hill)

I couldn’t help but remember this line as I watched Britney’s tell all documentary: Britney For The Record. With this one line, Julia Roberts had captured the yearning for love and the fear of rejection that each woman has, no matter how beautiful or famous she maybe.

Believe me, I am no Britney fan, and her behavior over the past couple of years, especially the infamous head-shaving incident, has seemed to me to be increasingly desperate attempts at grabbing public attention. However, watching the show, I could not but pity her and at the same time admire her too.

“You can’t really go there in a complete state of happiness because you’re scared it’s going to be taken away.”

That is too familiar.

While each one of us is looking for love, we are also secretly afraid of finding it, because finding it means giving up control. It makes us feel exposed and vulnerable to the possibility of being hurt.

This fear can slowly poison even the most beautiful relationships, and just prove our worst fears right. Vicious Circle, indeed.

The only way to rid one-self of this fear is TRUST - in your partner, in yourself, and in destiny.

When you bounce a baby in air, he laughs… because he knows you will catch him. That is the purest form of trust, and that is what is needed in relationships too.

You could argue that trusting someone so easily and completely is foolhardy but notice the difference between two. I do not say that you should trust easily, but once you do; trust completely because not trusting completely just means distrust.

When you are able to do that, only then you will no longer be afraid and really begin to love, and that really is the best feeling in the world.

Meanwhile, here’s hoping that Britney does fulfill her wish of getting married and living with her husband and kids on a secluded island.

What Men Really Want Out Of A Relationship

Friday, December 5th, 2008

Its been said that the fairer sex is more complex, than us men. And, I dont think anyone would debate that.

Relationships are very complex things, scholars even today are at their wits end to solve this maze and come out with a prognosis for a perfect relationship. The moment 2 individuals get involved with each other, no matter at what level, their are bound to be expectations and with expectations comes the emotions of joy and hurt.

I might be an educated man, but I cannot talk intelligently about what is the recipe for a perfect relationship or for that matter what do men and women expect out of each other. Although I can make a feeble attempt at listing a few things that we as men would want in a relationship. 

1.Sex:

Let’s be honest, be it men or women, we all want it, we all need it. And if it’s good, then the chances of that relationship flourishing are second to none. Men have been targeted every now and then by the accusations that this is the only thing we look for in a relationship. What we tend to ignore is the fact that women need it as badly as we do. So, instead of shying away from it or considering it as taboo, please embrace it with open arms(n legs)….hahaa…(forgive me but I couldn’t resist myself on that one).

2.Space:

This is the most imp. thing that needs to be addressed. Just because we are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that our lives have come to a dead end with other people in our life. We need to go and hang out with our gang every once in a while, we need that boys night out as you do yours. In fact, to let out a secret, more free you let us be, we will come back to you. You keep breathing down our necks and we will find ways to run away from you.

3.Listen:

Another misconception that I would like to clear is that men have their guys, their bars, their sports to de-stress. We do, but there are times when we would want you to just sit and listen to what we have to say. It might be related to our office, our relationship, our car, just sit and lend us an ear. Not necessarily we would want advice or want to hear about your new haircut at that time, all we need is someone who can hear us out.

4.Talks about future:

This one is a BIG NO NO. The surest way to scare a man away is to discuss what your future with him looks like, in the initial stages of the relationship itself. If you think you need need to have the talk, then make sure you have it face to face rather than on the phone. And try not to get into the details like what your pet’s name going to be, just have a boarder perspective to the conversation.

We men are very simple beings, with very simple demands. You take care of these, in the said order ;) and we’ll take care of you.

– Mr. A

Tips For Breaking Up

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Our relationships are very much like us. Once they are dead, there is nothing that can bring the old magic back.

Some people move on sooner than others, but everyone feels guilty over it. Perhaps that is why most people refuse to give up on them, keep trying to make it work, even though in their hearts they know there is nothing left.

There is no resurrection for the dead - in life or in relationships. The best thing you can do is to realise this and move on. The first step towards this is to be very sure that you want to end this relationship.

The next step is to get it over with in as painless a way as possible for everyone involved. Though there is no way to end a relationship without a lot of hurt or pain, there are ways to minimise them.

But is there a way to break-up a relationship without any hurt? Actually No. Rejection is always hard to take, but rejection from someone you care for is much harder. The best you can manage is to minimise the hurt.

1. Location:

However strong the temptation, do not break-up over the phone or email. Your soon-to-be ex deserves that much respect. Still not convinced? Think how humiliating it would be if someone did the same with you. It sends out the signal that your time together has never meant anything to you. Choose a private place for your break-up speech. You do not want to add humiliation to hurt, and your partner needs some time to deal with the news. Yes, it can be difficult and wanting to avoid confrontations is natural. But don’t you want a clean break for once and all, so you can get on with your life.

2. Time

Do not break-off around your partner’s birthday or any other special occasions. Time is of great essence, chances are that your partner already has a hint about the cracks in your relationship. You don’t want them to remember their birthdays or other special days as the day when you broke their heart. Preferably, try to do it on a weekday, so that work keeps them a little busy, a weekend will just give them more time to sit and sulk.

3. Reason

This is THE most important aspect. Be honest, brutally honest if need be, because the person who has loved you deserves a true reason to know what went wrong and where. It will help you both get over the relationship more easily and quickly if you’re true to yourself. Im not saying have a proper speech ready, but the reasons you think and why do you think those reasons are important.

4. Duration

Make sure you both have time on your hands for the talk. You don’t want to rush through it. This might probably, be the last time when you both will be discussing your relationship in detail. So its necessary that you talk out all the flaws, and decide the way forward. 

5. Aftermath:

The safest way to get over a relationship is not be in touch for at least the first 3-4 months, even if you guys decide to end it off on a good note and be friends. Oh and ya, try and stay away from rebound relationships. You don’t want to get into something when you are most vulnerable. 

And, the last piece of advice, which everyone will tell you is try and keep yourself busy with work, your hobbies, friends, whatever. Resist the urge to be alone.

Dual Personalities

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Today’s article is dedicated to something that we as men have to live with…apparently, we don’t have a choice in this matter. Now, we all are well versed with the concept of dual personality. What would you say if told that all the women are “suffering” from it!!!

To put it simply, in today’s world we know the phenomenon as—PMS!!!

Every guy who has been in a relationship will identify with me when I say that for “those days“, your girl turns into somebody who you have never met. What with all those mood swings, fits of anger, and the most wickedest of the symptoms ‘Not feeling as interested in sex’ (not that we’re too excited about it at this period(no pun intended) of time), you feel as if you’re sleeping with a stranger.

Just the other day, my friend was on the phone coochi cooing with his girl, and before he knew out of nowhere, BOOM, he’s hit with a barrage of angry words from the other end. He was just one of the many victims you can find of this phenomenon. The wicked thing is that one moment you think you know the person inside out, and the other you’re involved in a heated argument with a stranger who has got inside your girl’s body.

I just dread to think what if men started having PMS!!!; That would surely be the beginning of the end for the human race.

To sum it up, and at the risk of sounding a little sexist, I thank God …for MAKING ME A BOY!!!

PS: I don’t think this post will earn me a lot of female fan following :P

–Mr. A

The Dreaded Question

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

For all the novices who think that the most dreaded question in a relationship is the one asked at the time of proposal; then my friends, you are in for a huge surprise. 

Ask any man worth his salt who has been in and out of relationships and he’ll tell you that the most dreaded question is —“Where is this relationship heading”??? 

This is one question which is thrown at you just when you think that you’re in a perfect relationship; and if that is not enough 90% of the times it hits you right when you are relaxing from the most wonderful love making session of your life.

This question has the power to jolt you back to reality, making you forget about that perfect relationship and your future life whizzes past your eyes right then, and the fact that you might just be heading towards commitment(for all the women who don’t know, YES we are scared of it) for life hits you hard.

Now what puzzles me, is that why do women have to go and spoil everything by shooting this question at us. And its not as if some do and some don’t, the strike rate for this question is 100%. The only thing that this question does is it scares one away. 

So, as an advice to all women, please don’t spoil the relationship by trying to fast track things, just let it take its own course and if its supposed to happen it will. 

Adios

– Mr. A

Date Fetish

Monday, December 1st, 2008

Fetish; as described in the Webster dictionary is an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

I say there cannot be a more perfect definition to describe what every woman on the face of Earth has—a Date Fetish!!!

In my 26yrs of existence and after being with a considerable number of women, I can safely say that the easiest way to impress a girl (and do much more) is to remember her birthday and your anniversary date (now anniv. for them means the day you started your relationship….leave alone the date IF you get married, thats a different debate altogether).

What has baffled me though, is the fixation that women have with these “important” dates. And to top it off, the dates are not limited to her birthday and your anniversary. There is an exhaustive list ranging from your ‘first-coffee date’, ‘first dinner date’ to the ‘first movie date’. The saving grace is that not every girl would have such a long list of dates, the more saner (if there are such girls) ones, will have limited it to 2 or 3. But rest assured you can NEVER run away from these dates.

And as mentioned in the definition earlier, you remembering these dates can help you score some important brownie points and a LOT more

However, let me warn you, if at all you forget one of these dates, then you’ll be treated to solitary imprisonment of the kind that even the most dreaded criminal in Guatemala doesn’t have to go through.

Now, here is a topic for the people, who researched that the color red works for women, to get back to their workstations and start racking their brains again.

–Mr. A