Love Is…?
You meet his eyes across the room. He is cute but not really your type. So you look away, but you can still feel his intense gaze on you.
After a while, he comes up to you. You end up having a great conversation and are surprised to find that you spent almost the whole evening chatting to him.
What’s more, he did not give any hint that he was interested in more than just talking. Well, not until you think that he only concentrated on you all the time you were chatting. You are confused.. because after all you aren’t really interested in him, and yet he was so great to talk to that you didn’t notice anyone else either.
You manage to convince yourself that you had imagined his intense gaze earlier in the evening. Probably it was just a trick of the light on his eyes; in any case you were too far to tell, and also feeling a bit self-conscious about the dress you were wearing because it isn’t exactly your style either, even if it looked great.
A few meetings convince you more than ever that it is nothing more than the kind of chemistry that makes best friends, a la Will and Grace, only he is straight. Come to think of it, that was the tragedy of the show.
Then there are hints. Hints that he likes you a LOT; you brush them away as your imaginings. His touch begins to feel possessive rather than friendly; you brush it away as just concern.
But sometimes, just sometimes, you wonder what if it was for real? Not for too long, because you don’t know your own feelings, and you are scared that you might lose your friend.
He has somehow become indispensable, you see. He is the person you can say anything to, you think of first when you want to share anything happy or sad, the first person you call when you need help.
Yes, it sounds like love, but you are not sure. It’s better this way, because he can’t hurt you very much this way. Truth is, your heart knows that if you allowed yourself to love him, he could destroy you like no one else could ever do.
And then he says IT. And you are not prepared.
“I am a person who is looking for Love. Ridiculous, Inconvenient, Consuming, Can’t-Live-Without-Each-Other Love.”
You thought so too, and you have it now. All you need to do is reach out and take it, but you can’t, you just can’t.
Maybe it’s just because it isn’t meant to be this way. Maybe love isn’t meant to be taken but given. And until you can do that, it won’t feel right.