What Men Really Want Out Of A Relationship

December 5th, 2008

Its been said that the fairer sex is more complex, than us men. And, I dont think anyone would debate that.

Relationships are very complex things, scholars even today are at their wits end to solve this maze and come out with a prognosis for a perfect relationship. The moment 2 individuals get involved with each other, no matter at what level, their are bound to be expectations and with expectations comes the emotions of joy and hurt.

I might be an educated man, but I cannot talk intelligently about what is the recipe for a perfect relationship or for that matter what do men and women expect out of each other. Although I can make a feeble attempt at listing a few things that we as men would want in a relationship. 

1.Sex:

Let’s be honest, be it men or women, we all want it, we all need it. And if it’s good, then the chances of that relationship flourishing are second to none. Men have been targeted every now and then by the accusations that this is the only thing we look for in a relationship. What we tend to ignore is the fact that women need it as badly as we do. So, instead of shying away from it or considering it as taboo, please embrace it with open arms(n legs)….hahaa…(forgive me but I couldn’t resist myself on that one).

2.Space:

This is the most imp. thing that needs to be addressed. Just because we are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that our lives have come to a dead end with other people in our life. We need to go and hang out with our gang every once in a while, we need that boys night out as you do yours. In fact, to let out a secret, more free you let us be, we will come back to you. You keep breathing down our necks and we will find ways to run away from you.

3.Listen:

Another misconception that I would like to clear is that men have their guys, their bars, their sports to de-stress. We do, but there are times when we would want you to just sit and listen to what we have to say. It might be related to our office, our relationship, our car, just sit and lend us an ear. Not necessarily we would want advice or want to hear about your new haircut at that time, all we need is someone who can hear us out.

4.Talks about future:

This one is a BIG NO NO. The surest way to scare a man away is to discuss what your future with him looks like, in the initial stages of the relationship itself. If you think you need need to have the talk, then make sure you have it face to face rather than on the phone. And try not to get into the details like what your pet’s name going to be, just have a boarder perspective to the conversation.

We men are very simple beings, with very simple demands. You take care of these, in the said order ;) and we’ll take care of you.

– Mr. A

Tips For Breaking Up

December 4th, 2008

Our relationships are very much like us. Once they are dead, there is nothing that can bring the old magic back.

Some people move on sooner than others, but everyone feels guilty over it. Perhaps that is why most people refuse to give up on them, keep trying to make it work, even though in their hearts they know there is nothing left.

There is no resurrection for the dead - in life or in relationships. The best thing you can do is to realise this and move on. The first step towards this is to be very sure that you want to end this relationship.

The next step is to get it over with in as painless a way as possible for everyone involved. Though there is no way to end a relationship without a lot of hurt or pain, there are ways to minimise them.

But is there a way to break-up a relationship without any hurt? Actually No. Rejection is always hard to take, but rejection from someone you care for is much harder. The best you can manage is to minimise the hurt.

1. Location:

However strong the temptation, do not break-up over the phone or email. Your soon-to-be ex deserves that much respect. Still not convinced? Think how humiliating it would be if someone did the same with you. It sends out the signal that your time together has never meant anything to you. Choose a private place for your break-up speech. You do not want to add humiliation to hurt, and your partner needs some time to deal with the news. Yes, it can be difficult and wanting to avoid confrontations is natural. But don’t you want a clean break for once and all, so you can get on with your life.

2. Time

Do not break-off around your partner’s birthday or any other special occasions. Time is of great essence, chances are that your partner already has a hint about the cracks in your relationship. You don’t want them to remember their birthdays or other special days as the day when you broke their heart. Preferably, try to do it on a weekday, so that work keeps them a little busy, a weekend will just give them more time to sit and sulk.

3. Reason

This is THE most important aspect. Be honest, brutally honest if need be, because the person who has loved you deserves a true reason to know what went wrong and where. It will help you both get over the relationship more easily and quickly if you’re true to yourself. Im not saying have a proper speech ready, but the reasons you think and why do you think those reasons are important.

4. Duration

Make sure you both have time on your hands for the talk. You don’t want to rush through it. This might probably, be the last time when you both will be discussing your relationship in detail. So its necessary that you talk out all the flaws, and decide the way forward. 

5. Aftermath:

The safest way to get over a relationship is not be in touch for at least the first 3-4 months, even if you guys decide to end it off on a good note and be friends. Oh and ya, try and stay away from rebound relationships. You don’t want to get into something when you are most vulnerable. 

And, the last piece of advice, which everyone will tell you is try and keep yourself busy with work, your hobbies, friends, whatever. Resist the urge to be alone.

Dual Personalities

December 3rd, 2008

Today’s article is dedicated to something that we as men have to live with…apparently, we don’t have a choice in this matter. Now, we all are well versed with the concept of dual personality. What would you say if told that all the women are “suffering” from it!!!

To put it simply, in today’s world we know the phenomenon as—PMS!!!

Every guy who has been in a relationship will identify with me when I say that for “those days“, your girl turns into somebody who you have never met. What with all those mood swings, fits of anger, and the most wickedest of the symptoms ‘Not feeling as interested in sex’ (not that we’re too excited about it at this period(no pun intended) of time), you feel as if you’re sleeping with a stranger.

Just the other day, my friend was on the phone coochi cooing with his girl, and before he knew out of nowhere, BOOM, he’s hit with a barrage of angry words from the other end. He was just one of the many victims you can find of this phenomenon. The wicked thing is that one moment you think you know the person inside out, and the other you’re involved in a heated argument with a stranger who has got inside your girl’s body.

I just dread to think what if men started having PMS!!!; That would surely be the beginning of the end for the human race.

To sum it up, and at the risk of sounding a little sexist, I thank God …for MAKING ME A BOY!!!

PS: I don’t think this post will earn me a lot of female fan following :P

–Mr. A

The Dreaded Question

December 2nd, 2008

For all the novices who think that the most dreaded question in a relationship is the one asked at the time of proposal; then my friends, you are in for a huge surprise. 

Ask any man worth his salt who has been in and out of relationships and he’ll tell you that the most dreaded question is —“Where is this relationship heading”??? 

This is one question which is thrown at you just when you think that you’re in a perfect relationship; and if that is not enough 90% of the times it hits you right when you are relaxing from the most wonderful love making session of your life.

This question has the power to jolt you back to reality, making you forget about that perfect relationship and your future life whizzes past your eyes right then, and the fact that you might just be heading towards commitment(for all the women who don’t know, YES we are scared of it) for life hits you hard.

Now what puzzles me, is that why do women have to go and spoil everything by shooting this question at us. And its not as if some do and some don’t, the strike rate for this question is 100%. The only thing that this question does is it scares one away. 

So, as an advice to all women, please don’t spoil the relationship by trying to fast track things, just let it take its own course and if its supposed to happen it will. 

Adios

– Mr. A

Date Fetish

December 1st, 2008

Fetish; as described in the Webster dictionary is an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

I say there cannot be a more perfect definition to describe what every woman on the face of Earth has—a Date Fetish!!!

In my 26yrs of existence and after being with a considerable number of women, I can safely say that the easiest way to impress a girl (and do much more) is to remember her birthday and your anniversary date (now anniv. for them means the day you started your relationship….leave alone the date IF you get married, thats a different debate altogether).

What has baffled me though, is the fixation that women have with these “important” dates. And to top it off, the dates are not limited to her birthday and your anniversary. There is an exhaustive list ranging from your ‘first-coffee date’, ‘first dinner date’ to the ‘first movie date’. The saving grace is that not every girl would have such a long list of dates, the more saner (if there are such girls) ones, will have limited it to 2 or 3. But rest assured you can NEVER run away from these dates.

And as mentioned in the definition earlier, you remembering these dates can help you score some important brownie points and a LOT more

However, let me warn you, if at all you forget one of these dates, then you’ll be treated to solitary imprisonment of the kind that even the most dreaded criminal in Guatemala doesn’t have to go through.

Now, here is a topic for the people, who researched that the color red works for women, to get back to their workstations and start racking their brains again.

–Mr. A

Lady In Red

November 29th, 2008

I’ve never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright
I’ve never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance

Cris De Burgh told us of the magical effect of the Red Dress in his song “My Lady In Red” years ago, and for the skeptics (if there were any), now even science has given its nod.

A group of researchers at the University of Rochester recently did a series of studies to show that men rated women in red clothing or accesories to be more attractive to men than in any other color. In fact, the study even concludes that men are willing to spend more on a date with a woman dressed in red.

Now that last part is actually useful information.. ;)

Every woman worth her fashion mag already knows that a wearing little bit of red, whether in lingerie, lipstick or accessories; can act as an instant mood lifter on even the bluest of days. The color just exudes power and sensuality. In my opinion, the researchers might have better spent their time and money on figuring out why Red has this effect, though how even that would have been useful to anyone is not something I can guess.

However, I couldn’t help but wonder why Red has actually gone out of fashion. Go to any event, there will be scores of women in Black, or the new IT color of the season, and if you are lucky, you will spot maybe a handful of women in Red.

The last time Red was IN, we had the term “Red Is The New Black.” Shouldn’t it actually be the other way around?

Power, Intelligence, Sensuality, Intelligence, Seduction, Love, Romance - Red is the only color that can help you denote one or all of these qualities. No other color is that versatile.

Michelle Obama clearly understood this. On her first visit to the White House, her Mario Pinto Red dress said it all. While Laura Bush looked tired and old-world in comparison, Michelles’s dress conveyed her confidence, modernity, energy, and power in just the right measures.

obamas_20bushes.jpg

I never will forget, the way you look tonight
The lady in red
My lady in red

And I am taking the cue…

How NOT To Use Your Birthday As A Pick-Up Line

November 9th, 2008

I recently received this scrap on my online profile:

“Hi, my birthday is also on 17th July. Do you know its significance?”

Nothing wrong with it, you say?

The problem is that my birthday is NOT on 17th July, and when I checked his profile, neither was his.

In passing, is he asking the significance of 17th July or of having the same birthday (assuming our birthdays had matched)?

TV And “The Talk”

November 8th, 2008

“Why do women have to have “The Talk” when we are watching TV?”

“What were you watching?”

“The F1 Finale, and since it was almost over, why couldn’t she have waited for another 10 minutes? And now she won’t talk to me at all.”

Being an F1 fan myself, I could sympathize with my friend’s exasperation. After all, even I made sure that I was not disturbed while I waited to see if Hamilton would clinch the title or miss it again this year. Unfortunately, being a woman, I could also understand her point of view.

So why do we do this? The answer is actually so simple and ludicrous that not many men will believe it.

And yes, we do know it’s an exasperating habit on our part. But when insecurity creeps into a relationship, even TV can seem like a threat. (Yes, I know how stupid that sounds).

Women bring up the “The Talk” when they are feeling insecure or neglected at some level. Not that it takes a lot to make us feel that way. And TV has a way of making our insecurities bigger. I think it’s because when most men get their hands on a remote, they are completely oblivious to everything else, and so we just feel even more neglected.

We think that if you can actually turn off the TV and talk to us, you do care for us. I can’t say what will happen if some guy actually did do this, but I have a feeling that instead of “The Talk”, she will just cuddle up against you to watch the rest of the show.

And if any of you women out there is lucky enough to have a guy who will switch off the TV to talk to you, then all I can say is GAL… Don’t ever let him go.

Dealing With It

July 30th, 2008

When I was 15, my mom decided it was time I learnt to cook. She figured it would be a useful way of spending the summer vacations. Unfortunately, I discovered how much I hated cooking and the vacations turned into a series of bickering matches between us. I think we could have easily won a championship in it. Mum kept insisting that it’s a skill (cooking, not bickering) everyone should have, and while I agreed secretly, I opposed her with all the stubbornness of my teenage years.

I actually bought a tee that said “I’M PERFECT. Cute, Smart, Single And Can’t Cook.” And I wore it every time mom got on the “cooking is a necessary skill” bandwagon.

It finally goaded her into telling me one day that I would never be able to find someone willing to marry me if I remained so stubborn and didn’t learn to cook.

And I retaliated by saying that Love is blind, at least temporarily. No one sees their partner’s faults until after they are married, and then they just have to learn to deal with them. That was how dad married her, and that was how some generally sensible but a temporarily love-blinded fool would end up marrying me too.

10 years on, I still hold to that theory, but the fact is that most of us have simply forgotten the “deal with them” part. I don’t mean that you should tolerate infidelity, violence, or abuse in a marriage. But is it really worth it to file for a divorce for reasons such as religious or cultural differences, bad sex, ego problems, lifestyle differences etc.?

These issues can be fixed, so why don’t we try hard enough in the most important relationships of our lives?

We say sorry easily if we accidently bump into a stranger, but we find it so hard to say it to the person who matters most even when we know we have really caused hurt to him/her.

We respect, or at least pretend to respect the cultural and religious differences in the public sphere, but we can’t do the same to bring a smile to our partner’s face.

So your expectations from your marriage were different. You hadn’t imagined that such problems could arise.

Well, did your job come up to your idealistic expectations when you first started off? Or do you not deal with unimagined crises at work? Did you quit your job or change your profession because of them or did you adjust your expectations and dealt with the problems?

Reality Check: Life Sucks. You will always have unexpected, unimagined problems to deal with. Quit being a baby and deal with it.

The Good Side Of Break-Ups

April 28th, 2008

The funny thing about break-ups is that they turn you into a better person.

I don’t mean the “turning into an emotionally stronger person” thing.. I mean simple everyday improvements in our behavior and habits that we are too lazy to bring about otherwise.

For every relationship that has ended, I have managed to forsake at least one bad habit.

Like the time when I was into a long-term relationship (3 years) and let myself go. I put on weight and couldn’t be bothered about exercise; I did not make much efforts to look great - presentable worked for me. And then the break off (and these were not the reasons) jerked me out out of my sloppiness.

I couldn’t fix my relationship, but I could fix myself.. and that got me to finally adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Another break-off led me to discover a love for music. Living in the same block, and being in the same college meant we made the long commutes together. When the relationship ended, I bought an iPod only so I could stop thinking of the time I spent with him.

Initially I listened to anything and everything (having never been much into music before) but slowly I discovered my own tastes.

Then the innumerable hairstyles I have tried because of break-ups. A new hairstyle is mandatory (is this only me?), and I know I would never otherwise experiment with my looks.

I guess I owe a Thank You to all my Ex’s